


Recovery Is Scary

by ktfalling (fireofgrace)



Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Anorexia, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Insecurity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24899314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireofgrace/pseuds/ktfalling
Summary: During Race's eating disorder recovery, his brothers notice his weight has changed. Deciding to mess around and weigh themselves, they end up upsetting Race after he sees that he's gained weight. Luckily Jack arrives home, and together they tell the rest of the boys.
Relationships: Racetrack Higgins & Jack Kelly
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	Recovery Is Scary

**Author's Note:**

> Heavy eating disorder mention, though it is mainly focused in recovery. All based on my own experiences with eating disorders, but please be careful reading if things like that effect you.

"You gained some weight Racer," Elmer said one day, as they were all sprawled out on the sofa. 

"No I ain't," Race responded, immediately looking down at himself. 

"Yeah you have," Albert continued, poking Race's small stomach. He spread himself out over the elders lap, "definitely squishier," he smiled, earning a less than discreet slap from Romeo. 

"Don't be mean Alby," the youngest said, a frown deepening across his forehead, "you look great Racer." 

"Thanks Ro," Race smiled slightly, hands fidgeting as he tried to stop his thoughts from spiralling, "it's the first time it's been warm enough for a t-shirt in a while, you guys ain't seen me without my jumper on." That was the rational side of his brain, trying to come up with a reason, he wasn't really sure who it was for though. Them or himself.

Finch glanced over, looking at Race for a moment before talking, "I reckon you weigh like forty five kilos," he said, cocking his head to the side. 

"Nah, I don't." Race's voice was slightly unsteady. Not enough that anyone would notice, but not his usual confident self. 

"Bet," Albert said, sitting up suddenly. It had been a while since the scale Jack brought when they first moved in had been around, he was quite curious to find out how much they weighed. 

"The scale's up in Jack's wardrobe," Jojo said, and they all ushered him off to get it. 

Charlie was the only one who wasn't okay with this. "Are you sure guys? I mean, Jack hid this for a reason," he said, looking slightly concerned. 

This didn't deter the boy's enthusiasm. They each took it in turn to step on the scale, shouting out the numbers. Finch was the heaviest, then Jojo, then Albert, Elmer, and Romeo who was the lightest, unsurprisingly. Charlie decided to get involved, unable to fight the curiosity. He came third overall, but it felt weird to see it as a competition, and that is what it had felt like. 

Last up was Race, who was more or less dragged up to the terrifying piece of glass. He didn't freak out then, even though his heart was pounding ridiculously fast,he stood and watched the number go up, and up. 

44.6kg 

That was what it stopped at. Finch had been right, he'd been right about all of them, some sort of magic power he had.

That's when the breakdown came. As soon as his feet touched the floor, Race collapsed, sobs ripping through his body as he curled desperately in on himself. 

A hand touched his shoulder, and Race backed far away, begging not to be touched. His entire body was shaking, fear rippling through him. Nobody knew what to do. They had never seen Race like this. He was usually so confident and happy, and now he was so broken and defeated, it just didn't seem real.

At that moment, Jack came home with Specs, looking tired after his nine hour work shift. It didn't take him long to work out what was going on. He saw the piece of glass in the middle of the room, and understood. 

"Boys go to your rooms, I'll call you when dinner's ready," Jack said, giving Romeo a big hug as the younger ran over to him, "go with Specs little one, Racer will be okay." 

Romeo nodded, gripping tightly to Specs' hand as the children disappeared from the room. 

Jack didn't say anything at first, simply kneeling beside Race and opening his arms out. The younger rushed into the comforting embrace, sobs echoing even louder throughout the house. 

"Racer, can you talk to me?" Jack said softly, standing up with the kid in his arms as they moved over to the sofa. 

"Big number," was all Race could say, the three numbers he'd read imprinted inside his mind. 

"I know baby, but you gotta try and not think about it okay," Jack said, running his fingers through the younger's hair. He tried his best to settle Race, but Jack understood how haunting numbers could be. 

"I'm fat." 

That was it. The part Jack was dreading. It had almost been seven months since Jack had ended up in hospital with Race, so thin he looked as though he'd snap if you touched him. 

"Racer," Jack said in a warning tone, wanting him to remember the basic counselling they'd received while in hospital.

He was advised to send Race off to a psych ward, but he knew the kid would fall apart without him and his brothers. It had taken a long time, but Race would finally eat three meals a day, every single day.

"That's what the number means," Race snapped back at Jack, still clinging tightly to the elder.

"What was the number?" 

Race shook as he spoke, taking in a deep shuddered breath, "44.6." 

Jack couldn't help but smile a little, his kid was finally at a properly healthy weight. "That's healthy baby, not fat, healthy," Jack said, getting Race to look up at him. "I know it seems big, but it's not, I promise you. Albert weighs more than that, and he's not fat is he." 

"Well no, but," Race began, but Jack cut him off. 

"No buts. We don't have double standards, I'm not allowed them either, remember," Jack said softly, receiving a little smile from the kid. 

"I guess." He was still unsure, his brain still convincing him he was fat. The rational side of his brain was back, listening to Jack's words, but he didn't know if they would be overwhelmed by the big number. 

"We all love you Racer, so much. And even though the boys show it weirdly sometimes, they love you, and are upset that they hurt you. Do you reckon we can talk to them? I think your brothers need to know why this happened, are you ready for that?"

Race was shaking worse than before, but nodded his head anyway. Part of him didn't want to keep this secret anymore. 

"Let's go find your brothers then," Jack said, standing up with Race still in his arms. 

All the boys were in Specs and Charlie's room, most of them huddled in one bed, giving Romeo big hugs. Albert and Elmer were the only two who weren't. The younger of the two never really having been a fan of being too close to people, and the older having zoned out, looking to be on the verge of tears. 

Romeo ran over instantly, holding tightly onto Jack as small sobs were pressed into his side. 

"Hey Ro, it's okay," Jack said softly, "let's move into the living room boys, me and Racer need to talk to you." 

They all settled on the sofa, looking expectantly at Jack. 

"Okay, do you remember a little while ago when Racer was really sick?" Jack asked, looking round as they all nodded their heads, "well," he paused not knowing how to say it, "Racer hadn't been taking very good care of himself, not really eating any food, and that made him sick."

"Why did you not want food?" Romeo asked, frowning at Race. He didn't really understand why anyone wouldn't eat. 

"His mind wasn't very nice to him Ro, do you remember the lesson you had at school about not bullying people?" 

Romeo nodded, "we were told to always be nice to everyone," he said remembering the time Race had stood up for him after one of the bigger kids had been mean. 

"Yeah, Race's mind wasn't very nice to him, and it told him he didn't want to eat anything," Jack explained, hoping it would make sense to the nine year old. 

"Is that why he passed out during dance?" Elmer asked in a subdued voice. He was suddenly very aware of what his comment had really meant earlier. 

Jack nodded, "do you boys understand why your comments, jokes as they were, were upsetting for Race?" 

They all nodded, quiet filling the room for the first time in a long time. In a house full of eight boys, it was never quiet, so this was unsettling. 

"Are you boys all alright?" Jack asked, trying his best to cut through the silence. 

"I'm sorry," Jojo said, looking over at Race, "we never wanted to upset you." 

Race nodded, "I know, me an' Jack shoulda said something a while ago, I was scared," he said in a small voice, curling in even tighter on himself. He was afraid still, even more so now, not wanting the boys to walk on eggshells around him. 

Albert sat silently, staring ahead as his hands fidgeted in his lap. He felt like a bad brother. He'd noticed it all happen, but couldn't say anything, not wanting to make it all worse.

"Albert," Jack said, looking over at the kid, "what's goin' on in your head?" 

Race stood and walked over to the younger. His entire body was shaking, but he ignored that as he wrapped his arms around Albert. They'd always had this kind of telepathic connection, and deep down Race knew he knew already. 

"I knew. I watched you disappearing, I really thought you were dying, and it was so scary. But then you started getting better, and today I didn't mean to hurt you. You just look so healthy, I just didn't express that right. I'm so sorry Tonio." 

"I'm sorry too Alby," Race half whispered, "I forgot people cared about me, I still do now, cause I feel like I'm not worth carin' about," he said, the pair holding each other even tighter than before.

"No matter what dumb stuff you do, I'll always care about you. And you better remember that," Albert said with a small smile. 

Race nodded, "same for you, and we all know you do a lot of dumb stuff." 

Nobody said anything when Albert spent the night in Race's bed, neither wanting to be alone. And while Race did drop a few kilos, Jack weighing him each week to make sure he hadn't fallen off of the wagon completely, he eventually settled on a reasonably healthy weight. 

The kids got closer as well. Confiding in each other a little more frequently instead of bottling it all up. They opened up to Jack more as well, which pleased him no end. Their family was healing from past trauma, and it was a beautiful thing to see.


End file.
